


Dirty Apple

by maevewren



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Triple Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 05:22:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21248129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maevewren/pseuds/maevewren
Summary: I’m...I don’t even know. Forgive me.





	Dirty Apple

**Author's Note:**

> I’m...I don’t even know. Forgive me.

“Did you wash that first?”

“What?” Derek snaps, holding the apple an inch from his mouth. 

“I said,” Stiles says, “did you wash that? Pesticides, man. And who knows what was on the hands of the person who picked it.”

Derek frowns. “I think they use machines to pick apples now.”

“Even worse! Who knows where the machine has been!”

“Do you honestly think machines have dirtier, um, parts than humans?” Derek asks. 

“Well, I know werewolves definitely do,” he says, snatching the apple from Derek. 

Derek sighs. “Then what’s the problem with me eating a dirty apple if I’m so filthy already?”

“Hey. I never said filthy. I said nothing about filthy.”

“Filthy is the same as dirty, Stiles.”

“Nooooo,” Stiles says with a glint in his eye. “Filthy is when I tie you up and eat your ass while our friends are in the next room.”

Derek drops the glass of water he’d been holding in his other hand and makes a sound not unlike a dying seal on PCP impersonating Tina Turner. He also turns very, very pink. 

“I hate you so much, Stiles!” yells Scott from two rooms away. “So, so much!”

“You, you, um,” stammers Derek, “you’ve never actually done that.”

“Haven’t I?” Stiles looks skeptical. 

“Um. No. I would remember that.”

“Have you got some time right now?”

“I seriously hate you both so much!” screams Scott. 

“You wanted to live in a pack house,” calls Stiles without looking away from Derek’s heated gaze. 

“Speaking of things we haven’t done,” Stiles goes on in a lower voice, “I don’t think I’ve ever split you on my cock three times in one day.”

The next sound in the house is Scott stomping down the stairs, then the slam of the front door. 

“Well,” Derek says, “we’re already at two times today, so…”

“Let’s get to it, then.” Stiles takes Derek’s hand and guides him past the broken glass to their bedroom. 

“You know,” Derek says as he pulls his shirt over his head, “there are other ways to get the house to ourselves.”

“None I find nearly as entertaining,” grins Stiles.


End file.
